Ten Tangible Tips For Editing Your RPG Manuscript
Remove instances of “to be” verbs: be, am, is, are, was, were, being, and been. Instead of “The goblin is dancing,” write “The goblin dances.” In most cases, this also includes the added benefit of changing the passive voice into the active voice. In cases like “The goblin is wet,” instead say “Water drips down the goblin,” or simply “The wet goblin…”
Remove instances of “to have” verbs: have, has, had, and having. Instead of “The guards have the keys,” write “The guards keep the keys on their belts,” or even simply “The guards hold the keys.”
You can probably remove instances of “any,” “every,” and “all.” Instead of “The cursed flame melts all metals near it,” write “The cursed flame melts metal near it.” Instead of “Every day, the townsfolk eat 1d6 rations,” write “Each day, the townsfolk eat 1d6 rations.” Instead of “Whenever the clock strikes twelve…” write “When the clock strikes twelve…” The first case—any and all—are just unnecessary. In the second case, “each” is more precise than “every.” In the third, “when” does the same work as “whenever” with less space.
Along the same lines, avoid using “Anyone who gets…” or “Anyone who does…” Instead of “The explosion burns anyone near the door,” write “The explosion burns those near the door.” In general, those works wonders for these kinds of if/then statements.
End sentences on the strongest, most evocative word. Instead of “A ghoul stands in the yard,” write “In the yard stands a ghoul.” Ghoul is a far more exciting and grabbing word than yard, so put it last. When you can, end your paragraphs on the strongest sentence (which ends on the strongest word).
Conditionals belong in the present tense. Instead of “When the water reaches the ceiling, the glass will break,” write “When the water reaches the ceiling, the glass breaks.” Almost every instance of the word will can be cut from your manuscript, changing the future tense for the present.
Avoid expletive constructions. Instead of “There is a red vulture on the roof,” write “A red vulture sits on the roof.” In general, be careful of there is when it appears.
Important game quantities (enemies, loot, precise distances) are written with numerals, but all other quantities are written out. Instead of “Six orcs attack intruders,” write “6 orcs attack intruders.” Instead of “The village contains about 15 houses,” write “The village contains about fifteen houses.”
You don’t need that bolded keyword: if it’s an important rules term, capitalize it, but otherwise leave it alone. Instead of “The dungeon contains 6 threats,” write “The dungeon contains 6 Threats.” Almost all manuscripts full of bolded words (or words in smallcaps, italics, etc.) are worse for it.
Paragraphs are your friend, as are paragraph breaks. You don’t need fancy parenthetical notation, you don’t need complicated nested bullets, you just need to write sentences. When you need to connect multiple ideas or have too many sentences, put multiple paragraphs together using regular old paragraph breaks.
Bonus tip: use the New York 1d6 for dice values. Instead of “d6 goblins appear,” write “1d6 goblins appear.” As you reach higher multiples of dice, the notation maintains consistency throughout.
If thinking about editing like this inspires fear and dread, I am available for hire as an editor.